cowboy3

How to Be a Cowboy

by Carolina Galli

Published Fri, May 14 2010, 11:05 am

Guys, if you want to have any hope of picking up at any Calgary Stampede parties you’re going to need to convince legions of sloppy drunk women that you’re some sort of rugged cowboy superstar. 


Worried that your lack of western style won’t rope in a supple young steer?  Fear not!  We sent our clubZone staffers off on a research assignment to determine a list of things that you’ll need in order to properly cowboy up this July.

 

 

How to be a Cowboy – The clubZone Guide

Calgary Stampede Parties
Our guide will take you from this…                 To this!  In a few easy steps…      

 

 

 

Get a Hat 

Most people think that cowboy hats are meant to shield you from the sun and provide an effective way to hide bottles of rye on your head.  Although both valid uses; the real value of cowboy hats is that you can tip them to ladies.  Tipping your hat is cowboy code for “I want to sleep with you but can’t be bothered to leave my chair at the moment.” Get a hat and save energy by working a passive pick up game. 

 

 

 

Calgary Stampede party
(1 hat tip, 2 chicks – the passive pickup works again!)

 

 

Stop GroomingIt’s a well known fact that girls love shotty facial grooming (look at how much ass Robert Pattinson gets).  Give yourself that rugged I’ve been on the range for the past 3 weeks look by releasing your inner hippie, neglecting to trim your beard, and letting your hair grow for the weeks leading up to stampede.

 

 

Why god why
(Seriously guys, it’s just this easy)

 

Get a Western ShirtMany people aren’t exactly sure what a western style shirt is.  While you’re out at the store follow these guidelines to qualify a shirt as western:

 

 

 

  • Does the shirt have a collar and buttons?
  • Is the shirt hideous off colour plaid or does it feature ridiculous embroidered floral graphics?
  • When you look at the price is your first reaction to exclaim, “I can’t believe someone would pay this much for a shirt”!

 

If you answer yes to these three questions then your shirt qualifies as western!  Hand your credit card to the store clerk immediately. 

 

 

Calgary Stampede party
(Plaid and floral!?! Aiiiieeee!! I got it at Ross!)

 

Boots Make the Man 

Cowboy boots should fit tight, be impossible to break in, and be so tough to walk in that they cause you to stumble around like some sort of drunkard. Bonus points are given to modern day cowboys who make sure that their boots are crafted from endangered reptiles like the crocodile or sea turtle.

 

 

 

Push it to the limit

 

 

 

Pants 

Wear them, it’s the law

 

 

Buy a Belt BuckleBelt buckles are to cowboys what I-Rocs and 69 Cameros are to 45 year old men stuck in sexually unfulfilling marriages. The goal when sourcing a belt buckle is to find the largest, loudest, shiniest belt buckle that you can find preferably with some sort of confederate flag on it. Wear this at all times, clothed or not, a true cowboy never rides without his belt buckle.

 

 

 

Lil John's Belt Buckle
(If Lil’ John was a cowboy, he’d wear this)

 

 

 

 
Or, for those of you that can’t be bothered to spend more than 5 minutes of effort on anything you can forgo all of the above advice, grab a straw hat, rip the sleeves off of your shirt, and shotgun a beer – congratulations, you’re a cowboy!
 

 

 

Calgary Stampede Parties
(Mastery of the 5 minute cowboy conversion is an art)

 


Once you’re properly geared up get info and tickets to the best
Calgary Stampede parties at www.stampedeZone.com – Yee Haw! Related Articles


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